Church Signs

I was driving by some church today and the sign read, "The best vitamin for a Christian is B1." I'm not one to complain (or maybe I am), but I'm not sure that silly sayings are a great help to spreading the gospel of Jesus Christ. It makes sense for church's to put their times of service up on their sign. Or a web site, concert dates, program activities and the like. Even a Bible verse would be nice. But corny one-liners? Following are some examples:

"Fear knocked. Faith answered. No one was there."
"Life is like tennis. Serve well and everything will be good."
"ASAP: Always Say A Prayer"
"Don't let yourself get burned by the Son this summer"
"All saints have a past. All sinners have a future."
“Don’t get depressed, come get blessed!”
“Jesus should be your steering wheel, not your spare tire.”
“Road Rage: How would Jesus Drive?”
“Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons, come try one!”
"When you die you'll meet Father God, not Mother Earth."
"3 Nails + 1 Savior = 4 giveness"
"Be an organ donor...give your heart to Jesus"
"Heaven is not Burger King. You can't have it your way."
"Cards over Yanks in 6!! Jesus over Death in 3!!"
"If you're looking for a sign from God to get back to church, this is it"
"Walmart is not the only savings place"
"Baskin Robbins isn't the only place with good Sundays"
"If God is your co-pilot, you'd better switch seats"
"Try Jesus....If you don't like Him, the devil will always take you back"
"God always answers knee-mail"
"Sign broken, message inside"
"Obey if you love Jesus, anybody can honk"
“For all you do, His blood’s for you”
“A river of life is flowing out of this place. Come on in!”
“Jesus is not a four-letter word.”
“What vitamins do Christians need? 2 B1 Daily.”
"The Bread of Life never becomes stale"
"Martians welcome! We have space for everyone!"
“Good – 0 = God”
“Want to avoid burning? Try Son block!”
“Think it’s hot? So’s hell! Think about it!”
“To go nowhere, follow the crowd”
“All the best things in life aren’t things”
“Don’t put a question mark where God puts a period.”
“A family altar can alter a family”
“Temptation is an itch you must not scratch”
“The difference between a stumbling block and a stepping stool is in how you use it”
“Soul food served here”
“We should be more concerned with the Rock of Ages than with the Age of Rocks”
“God has a big eraser.”
"This church is prayer conditioned."
"Wrinkled with burdens? Come to Jesus for a faith lift."
"Read the Bible, it'll scare the hell out of you."
"Don't give up. Even Moses was once a basket case."
"Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible."
"Don't say 'Our Father' on Sundays and spend the rest of the week acting like an orphan."

Comments, anyone?

The Cabin Story

Back on August 12, I was in Washington State Park in the evening. My baptist friends and I were to go on a float trip the next day, so we decided to camp out on Saturday night. In cabins. With electricity. And with air conditioning, plumbing, a refridgerator, and an already made bed. We were really roughing it. There were two cabins for the girls and two cabins for the guys. Seven guys were there the first night and perhaps a few more girls than seven. That night I called it a night before every one else did. I woke up somewhere between five and six in the morning in my cabin. My two roommates weren't there. I couldn't figure out why. Perhaps the Rapture occurred. Since I don't believe in that theology, I must have got left behind. Or maybe everyone was still partying at the girl's cabin. At 5:30 in the morning. Turns out the other six males were asleep. In the other cabin. Long story short, I drove the sharers of my cabin away with my loud snoring.

The Island and the Chocolate Factory

Back on August 12, I was in south county in the afternoon, and I decided to go to the movie cinema. To watch a movie. I bought a ticket to watch "The Island." Scarlett Johansson was in it. I got there fifteen minutes before the movie began. Actually, fifteen minutes before the previews for the movie began. So I figured I didn't feel like waiting in the theatre for half an hour for the movie started. So I decided I'd drop in to see my friend Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for a few minutes. Some little girl was causing trouble in that theatre, and then some squirrels attacked her and dragged her into a hole. The girl's father seemed pretty upset, but Willy Wonka handled it okay. Then a bunch of Oompa Loompas came out and started dancing. I figured it was time to get out of that room before something weird should happen. In the hall were several movie employees. They had brooms. I wanted to go into the theatre across the hall, but I though it might look like I was breaking the rules if I was to go straight in there. So I went in the restroom for a couple of minutes. I came out and the teenagers with brooms were still there. I wanted to look inconspicuous, so I went up to the soda machine as if I was going to buy a bottle of soda. They cost $3 each. There was no way I was going to buy one of those. One of the movies down the hall ended, so the employees headed in that direction, and I was then able to sneak into the movie which I paid to see.